We asked women to share how they achieve orgasm

Research shows that heterosexual women statistically fare the worst of any other demographic group. This is mainly because partners in heterosexual relationships do not sufficiently prioritize female pleasure during sex.

The elusive female orgasm probably wouldn’t be as valued if men were interested in finding different ways to make women climax. (According to a recent Indiana University study conducted in partnership with OMGYes, clitoral stimulation is necessary for 36 percent of women.)

Since the orgasm gap is depressingly real, we asked women to share how they reliably make it to the end, alone or with a partner. See what they had to say below.

“There is really nothing more reliable for me than my own hand. I own a really nice Rabbit, but I find myself turning to my hand whenever I need to. It is also my favorite way to have an orgasm with my partner! Once I realized that my sexual happiness was also exciting for my partners, I started to turn myself on during penetrative sex. It’s easiest for me to do this when I’m on top of my partner or when he’s behind me, but I succeed no matter what. ” – Corinne Dodenhoff, illustrator

“I always need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm, whether it’s oral sex with a partner, vaginal sex combined with clitoral stimulation (ie me on top, missionary, doggy style with manual stimulation or toy stimulation) or masturbation with clitoral stimulation . With masturbation, I usually prefer a vibrator, with or without vaginal penetration or by hand. I often succeed more than once, but only with clitoral stimulation. Porn can help, but it doesn’t have to. Vaginal penetration can enhance orgasms, but I’ve never gotten close with vaginal or anal stimulation alone. ” – Jessica Mehta, author of The Wrong Kind of Indian

“When I’m alone, I have to sit upright – leaning on a pile of pillows, a wall or a sofa – to be able to have an orgasm. If I lie down, the clitoris hides too much and I can’t stimulate it enough. But when I sit down, it’s more accessible and easier to stimulate directly with the vibrator. And I need a certain kind of vibration – a simpler and more powerful engine. I recently had this conversation with a friend who was amazed when I told her about it and is now cautiously optimistic about her own orgasmic potential. It never occurred to her to try to sit up during clitoral stimulation! ” – Jennifer Gunsaullus, sociologist and relationship and intimacy coach

“My way of reaching orgasm, alone or with a partner, involves my mind in an erotic fantasy. Only physical stimulation can make orgasm difficult if you don’t engage your biggest sexual organ – your mind. It takes practice to reconnect with your sexual self and not just your genitals. For solo or partner pleasure, I recommend dirty talk, sexting, sharing fantasies and reading (and even writing!) erotica. I learned that you have to pay attention to what words and scenes make you feel warm and excited. These fantasies become like your own mental lubricant that you can access whenever you want to get excited alone or with a partner. ” – Luna Matatas, pleasure educator and burlesque performer

“My path to orgasm has changed many times throughout my life. I used to achieve orgasms only by stimulating the clitoris, without anything else. Later it was a combination of good, strong fingers pressing and moving over my G-spot along with my clitoral vibrator. It’s all about my cervix these days, which means I need deep, repetitive thrusting paired with a vibrator. In my case, the clitoris must always be stimulated, even when I have a G-spot or cervical orgasm. I have always been blessed with multi-orgasm and have helped many women learn how to do it! ” – Celeste Hirschman, sex and intimacy coach in San Francisco

“In the past, if a man I found attractive was simply curious and driven, mission accomplished! Today, however, I need a much more dedicated and meaningful dynamic to help me reach my peak. (My orgasms are fueled by emotional connection and mutual trust.)” – Hudsy Hawn, kink trainer, professional dominatrix, and author

“I’m using my vibro magic wand. Many women who have trouble achieving orgasm often need higher frequency and vibration or pressure. Some vibrators do not offer the intensity needed to achieve orgasm. (Be sure to get the corded one, not the battery, as the battery also doesn’t offer the necessary vibration and pressure.) ” – Mistress Georgia Payne, Los Angeles-based dominatrix and author of How to Be a Dominant Diva

“For oral use, I need two fingers inside the vagina, pressing up and holding still, and his tongue on the clitoris, starting right below it and licking up and down. During intercourse, I make finger movements myself or hold the vibrator still above the clitoris. My advice to people who want more orgasms with their partner: Be specific. Your partner’s education has probably been limited to vague articles with advice like “create a romantic mood!” and “experiment!” Tell them what movements and places make you feel the best. Show them what you do yourself. ” – Suzannah Weiss, sex and relationship writer

“For me, the easiest way to experience an orgasm is to recognize the smallest feeling of pleasure as a tiny orgasm. I believe that orgasmicity is our nature. It’s not some place we need to get to, but quite the opposite – we need to remove the blocks that prevent us from being in this natural state. A deep breath paired with a long exhalation sound, deep relaxation into sensation and pleasure, plus allowing the body to move in a soft natural way, are all tickets to orgasm. – Sofia Sundari, tantra teacher

Article – Huffpost